can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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