what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
