9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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