I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
