Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
