Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize