Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
