should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
