i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
