So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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