Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
