That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We left the knife in your bed.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
