My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Randomize
