i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
