I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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