So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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