You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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