We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
