Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
