She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
