I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
