I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
