I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I faked an abortion last night.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize