Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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