when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
