I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
