Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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