After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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