The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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