He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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