Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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