its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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