i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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