He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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