dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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