He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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