imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
