it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
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I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
then he tried to convert me to islam
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THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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