I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
