I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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