if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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