It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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