I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
