OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
