i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
