fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
