I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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