whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
