I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
