Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
