This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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