Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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