In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
