We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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