You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
