The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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