he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i've created a new STD.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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