When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
