I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
