She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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