put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
